


Blend Rainbows Into The Grey

by mingki_gongju



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: IDK how to actually tag this, M/M, Mentioned Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Mentioned Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Mentioned Lee Taeyong, Moon Taeil is Whipped, Suh Youngho | Johnny is Whipped, brief mentions of sex, but it grew into this monster of a romance fic, college student!taeil, deep conversations about life, doesn't happen in the fic but up to your imagination, finance bro!johnny anyone?, high school crush johnny, i thirst for johnny, insecure taeil, inspired by my own mental breakdown, johnny fucking suh, mentions of other 127 members, pls help, postgrad!johnny, quarter life crisis, taeil is in denial, taeil sings beautifully and johnny is in love, taeil thirsts for johnny, they live in nyc, we all thirst for johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22699795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mingki_gongju/pseuds/mingki_gongju
Summary: 4 years ago, Moon Taeil moved to New York City, the City of Dreams, to be something bigger.Fast forward to the present, Moon Taeil has no idea what to do with his life, and doesn't really care either. He doesn't know how to make himself care.Enter his high school crush, drenched from the rain because he's an idiot who forgot his umbrella, who randomly comes back into Taeil's life and splashes rain onto his sweater and color into his boring life.
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 12
Kudos: 102





	Blend Rainbows Into The Grey

**Author's Note:**

> 127 are mostly college students who live in nyc because that was the original city i chose and i couldn't think of an alternative, please roll with it lol. johnny is a year older than taeil here, i don't really have an explanation but it just ended up that way. johnny just graduated from college a few months before, while taeil is in his senior year with his 127 housemates.
> 
> my music inspirations are:  
> \- "tomboy" by hyukoh - https://youtu.be/pC6tPEaAiYU  
> \- "baby baby" cover by taeil - https://youtu.be/sCAIXySOw4w  
> \- "breathin" cover by doyoung - https://youtu.be/5TpD7NlOS9c

The sky is grey. Not the dark, ominous grey of storms looming over your head, threatening to spew out blasting thunder and wailing gales. Not the peaceful grey of dusk immediately after the sun sets, where warm reds and oranges tint the skyline, and the midnight blacks and blues tickle the edges. 

No, this is the grey of ceaseless rain, the monotonous grey of both boredom and worries. The grey of rainclouds huddling over the dark green trees, steadily pouring onto the cracked cement of the sidewalks. The continuous pitter-patter of rain striking the ground adds to the whole dreariness. There is no gradient of color to provide hope for possible sun or night or really anything to simply add variety to the scenery. 

Taeil thinks that the weather couldn't be more appropriate, like the perfect background music for his biopic (not that anyone would make a film about his lame life). He’s sitting on a bench in Central Park, and he’s blessed to have an umbrella, shielding him from the relentless downpour. He doesn't hear the squeaking of his wet sneakers, scuffing on the asphalt floor in rhythm with the lulling music from his headphones. Then again, no one can hear it, because the park is deserted. Because who in their right mind would sit on a park bench when there is no sign whatsoever of the rain stopping?

He notes that the bleak grey seems to represent his inner turmoil, or rather lack thereof. It's only a few months until he will graduate college, and then he starts sitting in a cubicle working a typical 9-to-5 office job for many decades to come, perhaps starting a family somewhere in the middle, and eventually he withers and dies. Yep, the future looks definitely as flat and grey as the sky right now. 

It's not that Taeil doesn't care about his future. Based on what his housemates have been up to these past few months, he feels like he _should_ care more about what to do. Doyoung keeps freaking out about whether or not he’ll get into med school (read: he will). Yuta tells Doyoung to calm the fuck down but keeps himself busy with the soccer team while debating between offers from various tech startups. Jaehyun got into a renowned law firm as a paralegal and now has the leisure of stressing over whether or not to finally ask Doyoung out on a date. Taeyong is probably most similar to Taeil in that he doesn't exactly know what to do after college, but he’s planning to spend a gap year and focus on his dance crew activities. At least he has a supportive boyfriend in Ten, who Taeyong met in his dance crew and is absolutely smitten with. 

In the end, Taeil knows that at this point in life, he probably should care about what should happen from here on. If he doesn't know, he should at least worry about it. 

But that's where his problem lies: Taeil frankly doesn't have any goal, and to top it off he isn't at all concerned about it. And _that_ concerns him. 

Realistically, he could probably just step into any middle-sized company and be a shoe-in. He’s got good grades, a decent resume, a strong work ethic and a quiet but comfortable demeanor. But that doesn't excuse him from not caring. If anything, he most definitely can aim higher, because the supposed life in front of him looks beyond boring and wasteful. He supposes that he could probably apply for grad school, but he doesn't want to be a professor. Honestly, Taeil doesn't really want to be _anything_. 

He sighs. At the very least, even if he resigns himself to an all-too-normal office job, he should look forward to having a cute little family. A sweet partner, an even sweeter daughter and a rambunctious son to bring laughter to the family. But Taeil doesn't even care for that. During his entire college career, he can count the number of people he slept with on one hand. He didn’t really go out much outside of classes, part-time jobs, and home. Once in a while, Yuta would drag him and the other boys out to the frat parties, and Taeyong would somehow work his magic and doll him up enough to attract someone for the night. Taeil has needs too, he’s willing to act coy and teasing under the influence of some alcohol if it mean getting some good dick at the end. But he’s nothing special, so it never lasts more than one night. Not that he was interested, no one really caught his eye (or he most likely made no effort to look at anyone that way). He did have one relationship, a nice, quiet boy named Sicheng, but that eventually fizzled out. Because Taeil isn’t interesting.

Still immersed in his music and thoughts, Taeil fails to hear the sound of hesitant footsteps approaching him. He doesn't hear his name being called softly. He only notices a light tap on his shoulder, and tries not to flinch. Instead, Taeil turns his head slowly to see who brought rather unexpected change to the still environment.

Ah, it’s him. With rainwater dripping from his unruly black hair, sly smile gracefully upturned at the corners, those deep dark eyes staring straight into Taeil’s soul, it isn't all that difficult to recognize him. The one person who aggravated Taeil so much with his stupid hair and gorgeous smile. The one person who made his unmoving heart flutter for the first time (Taeil will never admit that his heart is fluttering right this moment), and he was such an annoying, cocky (yet attractive) bastard. This was Johnny Suh, the tall and laidback American exchange student at Taeil’s high school for a year. Johnny Suh, the player who had girls clinging to his side all day with his flirtatious smiles and smooth pick-up lines. Johnny Suh, the maverick who walked into class late and just laughed obnoxiously when teachers berated him.

Johnny Suh, the guy that Taeil had been unfortunately tasked with tutoring in history even though Taeil was a year younger, because this American kid didn’t know jack shit about Korean history. Johnny Suh, the man who stole Taeil’s heart, whom he had once pined for, until he went back to Chicago and left Taeil’s life. Johnny Suh is standing in front of him in the middle of New York City. Taeil can’t help but notice how the hard muscular planes of Johnny’s body are shown off by the white dress shirt, almost see-through from the rain, and drenched navy blue suit pants clinging tightly to those long legs.

Speaking of drenched, Johnny looks absolutely pathetic and miserable. Sure, he still wore a shadow of his trademark smirk, like the egotistical asshole he is, but that doesn’t hide the fact that his teeth are chattering and his body is shaking tremendously due to the cold, cold rain. His arms are crossed tightly in front of him, attempting to extract as much body heat as possible.

Taeil slides off his headphones with one hand, and with the other hand, stretches out the umbrella, wordlessly offering some protection from the rain. Johnny’s smirk then softens into a more subtle, genuine smile (one that Taeil decides he likes quite a lot) as he mouths "Thanks." Johnny hastily sits down on the bench next to Taeil and ducks under the umbrella, immediately letting out a dramatic sigh of pure relief. Taeil rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue in seeming disapproval, ignoring the way his betraying heart thumps painfully against his rib cage. His fucking _crush,_ Johnny fucking Suh, is sitting next to him, his wet shoulder bumping against his own and soaking Taeil’s sweater. Taeil should mind, he really should. But he can't help but feel warmer, Johnny’s presence rekindling something in his blood.

Before, Taeil had the soft music and his own thoughts to distract him. But now, the painfully awkward silence only serves to amplify the sounds of rain slapping the pavement and water dripping from his crush’s hair. Despite being on the reserved side and preferring to listen than to talk, Taeil rarely felt uncertainty in a social situation, as he always tended to say whatever’s on his mind regardless of whom he’s with. Yet, why is he so hesitant? What's stuck in his throat that just can't seem to escape?

Johnny, of course, breaks the silence. Chuckling awkwardly, he says,

"Didn't expect to see you of all people here Illie."

Ah, that nickname again. Taeil scowls but lets it slide.

Johnny scratches the back of his head as he continues, "It's been a while, huh? Last time I saw you was like what, six years ago in Seoul? Surprising to see you all the way here in New York."

Taeil shrugs. "I came here for university, with a few others from Korea. It's surprising to see you too though, New York is a big city. Plus I thought you went to Chicago? Pretty sure you’re on the wrong coast."

Johnny laughs a little at that. "You’re right, I was back home in Chicago, but I moved here a few months ago after graduating from college. I’m a Wall Street bro now."

Shrugging nonchalantly as if he didn’t just flex earning six figures in corporate finance, Johnny then turns to actually look at Taeil, who gulps nervously. His eyes are just as intense as they were six years ago.

Johnny’s gaze lingers for a while, studying him for what seems like an eternity. Once again, Taeil is conscious of the rain surrounding them. He swears that he doesn't feel a blush rising up to his cheeks. Johnny eventually turns away again, staring at the rain and the trees. Taeil follows suit, as he really can't do anything else unless he plans to make a fool of himself.

Johnny loudly inhales before speaking up again.

"Thanks for, uh, helping me. I was out here just wandering about, thinking about life and all, like how my job is shitty and I could have tried to pursue film professionally but I didn't and I'm kinda having a quarter-life crisis and stuff. Well not kinda. _Totally_ having a crisis hahaha. Ah well that's not important. And suddenly it started pouring and I hadn't bothered to check the forecast, so like I was hiding under a few trees for cover. But then I saw you here at the bench and you thankfully had an umbrella, so, um, yeah I'm here. Thanks. And uh, also sorry if you're supposed to be somewhere or waiting for someone, I was, umm, hoping you'd be down to catch up and talk? Unless of course you don't want to that's totally fine, but like, if you're down, we can go to this cafe nearby that I like, and crap I know this sounds like a date but I don't mean it that way necessarily, unless you want it to? And ugh shit sorry I'm being really lame right now huh?"

Johnny shrugs and smiles feebly, awkwardly scratching his neck.

Taeil didn’t realize he had been gaping dumbly the entire time until Johnny finished his ramble. When the gears finally resume spinning in his head, he processes that:

  1. Johnny Suh, possibly the smoothest man in the universe, just fumbled for words and is feeling awkward?
  2. _Holy shit Johnny Suh just asked me if we want to catch up_. _Johnny. Fucking. Suh._



When Taeil finally realizes that this is a question that he’s supposed to answer, he manages to close his mouth shut again and nod slowly. He clears his throat twice and replies, "N-no it’s fine you’re not being, uh, lame. And it’s uhh, probably a good idea to get out of this rain?"

Taeil is already mentally slapping himself for stuttering because _this is my high school crush dammit why do I always sound so stupi-_ but seeing Johnny break out into the widest, goofiest smile yet halts all of those self-deprecating thoughts. Johnny proceeds to take the umbrella away from Taeil (who is totally not heating up at Johnny’s fingers wrapping around his own in the process) and gets up from the bench. He looks down at Taeil and flashes another one of his trademark smirks.

"What a fantastic idea Illie, let me lead the way then. Shall we?"

Taeil is fucked.

* * *

They don’t say much during the walk to the café. It’s raining too heavily to really focus on conversation, and Johnny is busy navigating them out of the maze that is Central Park, while Taeil directs his gaze towards the ground to avoid the puddles.

Taeil’s umbrella was not designed for two people, especially for someone over six feet tall. So the _benevolent_ Johnny Suh decides that the best way to keep both of them somewhat protected from the rain is to wrap his arm around Taeil’s small frame and pull him in close. The entire time, Taeil tries to ignore the seeping cold from Johnny’s sleeve soaking his sweater further. More importantly, he tries to ignore his pounding heart, because Johnny’s arm is so firm around his shoulders, his body is so warm despite the wet shirt and-

Taeil decides to also ignore his brain that decided to revert back to high school mode. He just focuses on avoiding the puddles. Yeah, definitely the puddles.

It’s not long until Taeil notices they’re walking on dry sidewalk, and he looks up to see that they’re under a small green awning. Johnny chirps, "We’re here!" and lets go of Taeil (and Taeil does _not_ miss it, not at all). Johnny closes the umbrella and passes it back to the smaller man to then grab the hem of his dress shirt and wring out the water. In the process he exposes a hard plane of abs (is that a happy trai-) and Taeil tries not to squeak as he tears his gaze away. Once Johnny’s done squeezing out as much water as possible from his shirt, he shakes some water out of his hair before walking up to the door. He opens the door and gestures for Taeil to go in first. Taeil keeps his gaze straight inside the café as he scurries in, Johnny following short after.

The café is empty, minus the kid behind the register who's all too ready to play his mobile game again once he finishes their order. They quickly order their drinks, Johnny an Americano and Taeil a caramel macchiato, and awkwardly wait by the pick-up counter for a minute before grabbing their mugs and walking to a small table in the corner. It’s closest to the space heater in the back, and Johnny sighs in appreciation as the warmth gradually dries his wet clothes. Taeil just looks everywhere from Johnny to the mug to the random cat painting on the wall, not sure how to start the conversation.

He doesn’t have to, because of course Johnny is the one to break the ice.

"So, what brought you here to New York City?"

Taeil raises his eyebrow and Johnny quickly clarifies, "No no I get that you go to college here. But I guess I mean… why New York? There’s plenty of great universities you could have gone to in Seoul, so why leave behind everything you knew and come all the way here? I know for a fact that studying abroad isn’t easy."

Taeil is honestly a little surprised they jumped so quickly to this question. He figured there’d at least be some useless small talk, but then again small talk is useless for a reason. Of course Johnny would be curious as to why Taeil, the awkward and shy nobody in high school, just up and left his comfort zone to spend four years in a foreign country.

"Ha well, I had some foolish dreams. That’s why."

When Taeil quickly realizes that Johnny isn't going to take that as a final answer, he sighs.

"Okay, you wanna know? Fine. You get everything then, no sugarcoating."

Johnny just smiles gently. It irks Taeil, how genuinely _supportive_ and _interested_ Johnny looks. Taeil knows that it’s just his wishful thinking, that Johnny is like this with everyone but doesn’t actually mean it.

He might as well just let it all out and scare him off with his emotional baggage. It’s not like he’s going to see Johnny again.

"You probably don’t remember, but I sang a lot in our high school choir. And I thought, hey maybe I can do something with this. I mean, I really liked singing, and I figured I could maybe have a chance at being… something big, you know? But my parents weren’t going to allow that, you know Korean parents, they worried that I’d never make money as a singer so they tried to stop me. But I was reckless, I wanted to try something new and be someone special for once. You probably wouldn’t know Johnny, you were only there for a year but I was a nobody in high school. No one noticed me and I thought I was fine with it, but I guess I wanted to show that I have something special to offer too?"

Taeil wraps his small hands around his mug for warmth and stares down at the swirling foam.

"So yeah I got into NYU with a music scholarship and just packed my bags and left Seoul. Except I got here and realized, there are so many people here way more talented than me, all these classical pianists and opera singers winning international festivals and performing with huge orchestras, and then there’s just… me. So yeah, my parents were right, is anyone ever going to pay attention to a short average-looking Korean guy just writing and singing mediocre indie songs? No. And while I wish I could just be that starving artist stereotype, you know that the world doesn’t work that way. Everything’s about money. It took a shit ton of money to just get here to the States, let alone New York City, one of the most expensive cities in the world. You know the number of part-time jobs I had to work just to pay partial tuition even with my scholarship? To pay a month's rent? So I quickly realized that it was pointless. I realized, not caring at all is much easier, because then there’s nothing to be hurt about. So I just stopped caring.

"Now I’m majoring in applied math, because I was pretty good at math in high school, and I have some decent grades and could probably land a decent-paying job, except I have no idea what to apply for and it’s all so annoying. I still minored in music because the classes are interesting, and also easy A’s for me, right? But I can’t get a job with that, so that’s useless. All my housemates are actually planning out their futures, and I’m just sitting here doing nothing. And I can’t even bring myself to give a single fuck about it. So yeah, there you have it. That was what I was moping about in the rain until you ran into me. So. Yeah."

Taeil takes a deep breath, and realizes he’s never actually said this much about his honest thoughts in _years_. He never expressed any of this to his family, his friends, his own housemates who are his closest friends ever. Even Taeyong whose maternal instincts make him hypersensitive to his friends’ woes. It was much easier for Taeil to just keep this inside, rationalize with himself first and stop himself from doing anything stupid again. But here he is, breaking down all the dams he built up and spilling the deluge of his pathetic self onto his high school crush that he randomly ran into for the first time in _six years._ Taeil wants to just bury himself six feet under and never come out again.

But he glances up from his twiddling fingers on his mug and is shocked to see Johnny’s eyes glistening with unshed tears. _What. The. Fuck._ Taeil has no idea why Johnny looks like he’s about to break down, because Taeil certainly isn’t worth crying over. He braces himself for the inevitable pity and disappointment.

Johnny breathes in shakily, and croaks out,

"I’m… I’m sorry you had to go through all this alone. It must have been so tough for you to deal with this bullshit in a foreign country all by yourself, and I wish you had a support system to help you and love you for what you’re worth, because you only deserve the best."

Taeil stares blankly at Johnny, blinks a few times because he can’t believe his ears. He just went on a long rant about how pathetic he was, and Johnny got _that_ out of it?

"Wha- what are you saying? Do you even hear yourself Johnny?"

"No let me finish Illie. Those classical violinists or piano-ists or whatever they are, screw them. What sucks about the US is that it’s full of these elite shits who’ve been spoon-fed gold since birth. Those kids probably got music lessons worth more than my salary. And trust me, those elitist fucks are sooo good at making you feel like garbage, I’ve been there myself, and I grew up here my whole life. So you managed to beat the odds despite all that, get into a top school as an international student solely from your own effort, and on top of that you had a scholarship? You are beyond talented! Taeil you don’t give yourself enough credit."

Taeil is in awe. He had vague abstract thoughts before along the lines of ‘everything is unfair’ here and there, but he always convinced himself in the end that, no, _he_ was the problem, _he_ wasn’t good enough, _he_ was the lazy one not making any significant effort. The world is revolving just fine and Taeil is the only one stuck in place. He feels something uncomfortable lodging in his throat.

"No, you give me too much credit Johnny. Thanks for the flattery, but even if they got to that level with money, it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have that much money. I can’t succeed in music. You mentioned earlier outside that you wanted to do film, but that didn’t work out did it? That’s why you’re working at Wall Street now. You have a solution then?"

As soon as those words leave his mouth Taeil winces. _Ok I went too far._

But Johnny doesn't seem fazed by Taeil’s piercing words.

"You’re right, I figured the mature choice was to make money, so I gave up on film. I totally understand that hopeless feeling when your dream seems unattainable. But you know what feels worse? Being stuck with no meaning to your life. God I _hate_ my current job. Sure I make a lot of money, but for what purpose? Honestly, not to take away from you Taeil, but listening to you gives me a lot more clarity about my own issues. I personally want you to pursue your dream again, to show off that talent and potential to others, to the world even. Because you _do_ have something special to offer. And if you can do it, what’s to stop me? I’m going to take some time later to think much more seriously about film, and I won’t figure it out overnight, but I’m going to try my best to achieve my dreams. And I want you to achieve your dream too.

"But okay, so back to you right now. So you ended up not majoring in music, I understand that. But you managed to balance a major in applied math and also a minor in music and all the part-time jobs you had to survive in New York? You are such a hard worker, and I have absolute faith you can make anything happen, even a career in music. And you got good grades too, like damn that’s so impressive. I personally would not have been able to balance that at all, I would have had multiple mental breakdowns."

Taeil didn't realize how tightly he's gripping his mug as he stares back at Johnny and listens to his passionate spiel. He lets go of his mug and pulls on his sleeves instead, tucking his hands in sweater paws. He finally breaks eye contact with Johnny, because gazing into those eyes almost makes him want to believe what he’s hearing.

He bites his lower lip and mutters, "Well I just didn’t have a life outside of class and work. I’m telling you, I’m a nobody and I’m awkward, I barely have a social life."

"And that’s where you’re wrong Taeil."

Taeil looks back at Johnny and startles a bit to see a fierce, determined look replace the previous distraught puppy eyes.

"You say that you’re a nobody, that no one noticed you in high school. Well, _I_ noticed you. All the time even. Yes you were my tutor, and that happened because I was an exchange student who sucked at Korean while you were an honors student in advanced classes. But you know that wasn’t the first time I met you? I was so confused when I moved to Seoul, so imagine my shock in the first week when I got lost while looking for my class, heard a heavenly voice from the choir room, peeked in and saw a literal angel singing a solo in the front of the class. Oh my god, how can I _not_ remember you singing, Taeil? And since then, it was my mission to get to know you. I hung out outside the choir room, in the hallways between classes, in the cafeteria, just to see you more. I hung out with a lot of the choir girls and our history classmates to learn your name and all that. That’s how you became my tutor actually, I asked Mr. Lee specifically for you."

Taeil gasps. "What do you mean? Outside of tutoring, I literally never talked to you. I’m so shy and awkward, and I always panicked when you were nearby so I just hid. And you… you were so popular. You had all these friends and admirers, there’s no way you could have cared about me, your nerdy tutor…"

"No Taeil, no. I want you to hear me out, and... I don’t think I can make myself concise here, so just let me say everything that’s on my mind, is that alright?"

Taeil slowly nods. Johnny takes a deep breath and continues.

"You see, I had the biggest, fattest crush on you in high school. I was first captivated by your voice, youdon’t have any idea how talented you are. And you’re also _gorgeous_. I have no idea where you got the idea that you’re average-looking, you are incredibly handsome and adorable and there were plenty of other students who were interested in you, you were just so focused in class that you didn’t notice the girls staring at you instead of the chalkboard. And you’re kind to everyone. From all the times I was creeping on you, I noticed your little gestures, whether it be helping your classmates with something from class, or giving your apple to someone else who finished their lunch first. I noticed you always listen to everyone around you, and your friends would come to you ranting about something and you’d just let them get everything off their chest. That’s such an admirable trait."

Johnny breaks into a lighthearted chuckle. "And of course, when you tutored me, I’m sorry but I really didn’t care at all about King Sejong or whatever else in Korean history. I kept distracting you and joking around to gauge your reaction, to get to know you better. But you were extremely patient with me, and even when you did get annoyed, you never once snapped at me. Instead you had the cutest pout ever, and it just made me want to annoy you even more. And once in a while, you’d finally find one of my jokes funny, and you would give me the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. And it made me wish I could make you smile like that every day."

Taeil gasps again, and that’s when he finally realizes hot tears were already streaming down his face. He has to be dreaming. There’s no way this is real, this only happens to princesses in fairy tales, not average Joe’s like him.

"D-don’t do this to me Johnny. You can’t be serious. Please don’t… don’t raise my hopes up like this." The last words are barely audible as Taeil buries his face in his hands in a last ditch effort to wipe his tears and cover his red splotchy cheeks.

Then, he feels Johnny’s hands grab his own and gently pry them off his face.

"Taeil, look at me."

Taeil sniffles and hesitantly looks up. And oh how he wishes he didn’t. Johnny has such a heartwarming smile that reminds him so much of the stupid face Taeyong makes when he’s with Ten, or Jaehyun with Doyoung. There’s no word to describe Johnny’s face right now other than _smitten_.

Johnny brings Taeil’s hands to the center of the table and covers them with his own, lightly caressing Taeil’s soft skin with his thumbs.

"Look, I was an idiot. I figured that you wouldn’t like me, a fool who talks a lot and isn’t very smart, so I didn’t even try. I also knew that I was only in Korea for a year, so I decided to save myself from heartbreak, whether it be from you rejecting me or from moving away. So I just kept watching you from the sidelines, teasing and goading you, instead of, you know, confessing, like I should have. And that’s how I ended up moving back to Chicago without ever really giving us a chance. And I decided to not think much about it."

Johnny then lifts one hand to play with the hem of Taeil’s sleeve. "But today, I saw you and realized I had to talk to you. While seeing you in the park was pure coincidence, I immediately knew I’d be an idiot not to seize the opportunity. Back then in high school, I was so scared of getting rejected. But I need you to know how I truly felt about you, how I _still_ feel about you to be honest. If you decide you don’t want anything to do with me, that’s okay. I mean, of course it’ll hurt a bit, but I’ll be happy I tried my best."

Johnny locks eyes with Taeil, and grasps both of Taeil’s hands again.

"Moon Taeil, I know this is a lot all at once, but I like you, I’ve always liked you, and I want to get to know you better, hopefully even fall in love with you. And it would be my mission to make you realize how special you truly are, how loved you are, and how much you deserve to be loved. Taeil, if you’ll have me, I want to help you love yourself, and help you pursue your dreams."

Taeil is speechless. He’s still crying, but not as much as earlier. Honestly, Taeil’s head is spinning, and he still can’t believe that he’s not hallucinating. He slowly pulls away from Johnny’s warm grasp and harshly rubs at his red rimmed eyes before blinking rapidly and looking back at Johnny. Nope, Johnny’s definitely sitting in front of him in the flesh. Taeil wrings his hands together on his lap and has to clear his throat a few times before replying.

"Johnny, I… I find this all so hard to believe. Here I thought _I_ was the one with the stupid crush on you. It makes me feel so dumb that we had um, feelings, for each other then, and did nothing about it. But… but even then… Johnny it’s been six whole years since we last met. So much has changed, and you don’t know me well enough, nor do I know you. What makes you so sure that this will work? What makes you so sure-"

 _That I won’t disappoint you in the end._ Taeil bites his tongue, he just heard a whole lecture from Johnny about not being self-deprecating for once, and he doesn’t want to undo all that hard work with his lack of brain-to-mouth filter.

Johnny smiles again, and Taeil is so glad he’s sitting down because he can feel his knees giving out.

"Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic here, Illie, but I feel like this weather is a sign? You know, when I was outside by myself and getting poured on by the rain, I was thinking about how grey everything looked. Not like one of those dramatic greys, or calm soothing greys, just… grey. A boring grey. And I was kind of thinking, this feels like a good backdrop for a movie about my life. Just boring with no depth. You know what I mean?"

Taeil nods, he _does_ know what Johnny means. All too well.

Johnny continues, "And this might sound corny, but. Then I saw you. You were on that park bench with this large pink sweater and your yellow umbrella, and you were _glowing_. And I knew you were the answer. The splash of color to my grey life. Yeah it’s a coincidence I found you, and I’m not religious at all, but… if God is up there, I feel like he’d have a reason for bringing my first love in front of me in the middle of New York City while it’s raining cats and dogs. So I’m just going to take my chances. Maybe it won’t work, who knows until we try? But I have a gut feeling it will work. Just…"

Johnny extends his right hand out to Taeil,

"Do you trust me?"

Taeil ponders. This still seems way too much like a fairy tale to him, the jigsaw pieces are just all seamlessly snapping into place, and people like him aren’t supposed to have things work out so well. But… he supposes Johnny is right. Does he have anything to lose at this point?

Taeil timidly places his right hand in Johnny’s, who immediately holds on tight, almost as if Taeil would slip right through his fingers again if he lets go. That’s when Taeil knows.

"I trust you."

* * *

_(Two years later)_

Taeil paces anxiously inside the elevator. He only lives on the 5th floor, so it’s really not a long ride, but for Taeil these few seconds feel like hours. He looks up at the wall mirror. With his round gold-rimmed glasses, orange beanie, oversized graphic tee and checkered flannel, baggy lightwash jeans and worn-down pink Converse, he thinks he looks like a Crayola disaster. But it’s a Taeyong-approved outfit (ever since Taeyong started building up his design portfolio he has made Taeil his default dress-up guinea pig), and Taeil just accepts that he’ll never truly understand fashion like Taeyong does.

Finally, he hears the ding of the elevator and quickly adjusts his beanie. Sharply spinning around to face the double doors, he barely waits for the doors to slide open before clambering out and racing down the hallway. Once he reaches Suite 127, he fumbles for the right key before sliding it in and shoving the door open. He’s frantically throwing his shoes off as he’s met with a high screech undeniably from Doyoung in the kitchen.

"TAEIL HYUNG! Could you PLEASE tell this nincompoop noodle giant that you for some unknown reason call your boyfriend, to STOP MAKING OUR LIVING ROOM A FUCKING PIGSTY???" Doyoung’s plea falls on deaf ears as Taeil rushes into the living room.

He finds the source of Doyoung’s misery laying on the couch with his feet dangling off, wearing a baggy green hoodie and light grey sweatpants with old coffee stains. Johnny’s head is uncomfortably propped up against the cushions, and his arms are angled so awkwardly to somehow type on the laptop balanced on his chest. Taeil sees the half-finished cup ramen, protein bar wrappers, and empty Starbucks cups strewn across the coffee table, along with sheets of paper scattered on the floor and furniture, and quickly deduces that Johnny’s probably in hyperfocus mode with his film school applications. He half considers waiting until Johnny’s done, but then realizes Johnny has probably not eaten real food in over 8 hours and needs a break.

So Taeil huffs and jumps onto the couch, squeezing himself inside the crook of his boyfriend’s arm and snuggling up closely against the warm body. Taeil’s much smaller and his toes barely reach the edge of the couch, but that means he can comfortably fit on the couch without falling off. He wraps his arms around Johnny’s torso and gazes down at the laptop screen. _Ah he’s editing the video for his portfolio submission._ He remembers that video; Johnny had begged Taeyong and Ten a few months ago to be guest actors/dancers in a short black-and-white film he co-wrote and directed, and it was absolutely breathtaking to see their natural chemistry portrayed on camera. But Johnny is nothing but a perfectionist, which is probably why he’s making last minute changes even though Taeil thinks it’s already a masterpiece.

Taeil turns his attention towards Johnny’s face and notes the sunken dark circles and chapped lips. He leans in and whispers in Johnny’s ear,

"Babe, save your work right now because I’m going to close your laptop."

Johnny grunts halfheartedly, but does exactly as told before Taeil snaps the laptop shut and moves it to the coffee table. Johnny finally fixes his attention back into the real world and onto his boyfriend in his arms. He twists around as gracefully as his long limbs allow him (read: not very graceful) to directly face Taeil. Johnny wraps his arms snugly around Taeil’s torso as Taeil places his hands on Johnny’s sturdy chest, and they let their feet tangle together along the edge of the couch.

Taeil leans in and places a quick peck on Johnny’s lips before whispering, "I have good news for you."

Johnny leans in this time and captures Taeil’s lips in a slower, deeper, and more intimate kiss. Johnny tastes like coffee and ramen, but Taeil wouldn’t have it any other way. They separate with reluctance and longing, but Johnny doesn’t stop gazing into Taeil’s eyes. He has his teasing smirk on again.

"Oh? And what might that be?"

Taeil bites his lip, trying to hold in his exuberant smile. He was jittery the whole day since opening the email this morning while walking to his music theory class. He had almost called Johnny, but then he remembered Johnny needed to sleep in more after all those late nights of working on his portfolio. Plus, he wanted to let his boyfriend know in person. After all, this was the moment they had been building up towards together ever since they started dating. In the last two years, Taeil graduated cum laude from NYU, got into a master's degree program in vocal music and composition, and also formed a band with some friends and classmates. He performed whenever possible to scrounge up some money and chip in for the rent, but when his earnings would inevitably fall short at times, his housemates were all too understanding and just told him to cover the groceries instead. Seriously, they were too good for him. There were multiple instances when Taeil’s insecurities came back full force and he almost gave up, but Johnny was always by his side, supporting his work and validating him endlessly.

Johnny worked a little longer at his finance job to save up more money first, but he started studying film seriously in his free time and experimenting with mini-projects. Eventually he quit his job altogether just a few months ago to focus on his applications for film school, and he has enough in his savings account to not worry too much for the time being. Besides, Johnny had practically been living in Taeil’s room once they made their relationship official, so it wasn’t long until he officially moved in to cut down on rent (and spend even more time with Taeil). So much has happened in the past two years, and all of their hard work culminated in this very moment.

Taeil can’t hold in the excitement anymore. He breaks out into a wide grin as he blurts out,

"The label said yes! They love our demo, they’re signing on the band!"

Johnny gapes at Taeil for a few seconds, large eyes blinking rapidly, until he finally snaps out of his shock and startles up from the couch, lifting Taeil up with him. He stands and hops up and down while screaming,

" **WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! YES TAEIL YESSSSSSSSSS!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!!** "

Taeil might die, whether the cause of death is suffocation from his boyfriend’s iron chokehold, his brain being jostled around by his boyfriend’s jumping, or his ears bleeding from Johnny’s screaming, he can’t say.

He hears the clanging of pots and pans before Doyoung rushes into the living room, looking like a petrified rabbit.

"Johnny for fuck’s sake what the HELL are you screaming about?!"

One of the bedroom doors also slams open and Yuta is positively _seething_ with anger.

"Yeah you better have a damn good excuse for interrupting Attack on Titan with your horrendous hyena shrieks, Johnny fucking Suh."

Johnny finally calms down enough to stop jumping and loosen his hold on Taeil. He exclaims,

"Illie’s band got signed! Sun&Moon got signed on by NCT Records! This is fucking incredible!"

Now Doyoung is the one to scream. He runs to Taeil and hugs him tightly, and Taeil is again concerned about dying from suffocation or ears bleeding from Doyoung's dolphin squeal that rivals Jaehyun's.

"Oh my gosh Taeil hyung congratulations!! You worked soooo hard you deserve this! This is so amazing oh my goodness I am so happy for you oh my god oh my god. Ohhhhh my god ok I need to tell Jaehyun."

Doyoung finally lets go of Taeil and turns to Yuta. "Yuta, call Taeyong, we have a party to plan."

"You’re one step behind as always, Kim Dongyoung. I already texted him and he’s running over with Ten and the whole crew right this moment. I’ll invite all the people and figure out which club we're going to, you go ahead and call your lover boy over to set up the pregame here. Be the mom you’re destined to be. Follow your calling Dongyoung." Doyoung lunges at Yuta, ready to strangle the living daylights out of him.

While the two chase each other around the living room, Johnny and Taeil are back in their own little world. Taeil wraps his arms around Johnny’s neck, and Johnny cups Taeil’s face with both hands, thumbs caressing the soft cheeks. Johnny gazes so lovingly into Taeil’s eyes, and Taeil is once again reminded that this is the man who made this all happen, who turned Taeil’s world upside down and brought color into his life.

"Babe, thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you."

The taller man smiles and places a soft, delicate kiss on Taeil’s forehead. He looks back into Taeil’s eyes.

"No darling, I just cheered you on from the side. It was all you. You always had it in you. You deserve this."

Taeil feels tears welling up, and he barely manages to whisper, "I love you so much."

Johnny then dives into a deep kiss with Taeil, taking small breaths to murmur "I love you" onto Taeil's lips repeatedly. Soon, the kisses turn sloppy and heated, and their bodies grind closely against each other. Time seems to have stopped around them until they eventually hear Yuta yell, "You two have a room you horndogs! Don’t have celebration sex on the couch!"

The two lovers break apart giggling. They let go of each other as Johnny grabs Taeil’s hand instead, and asks in that smooth flirtatious voice Taeil once thought was reserved for the crowd of girls in high school (and now knows is reserved for only him).

"Shall we host the festivities in _our_ room then?”

Taeil doesn’t miss the emphasis on ' _our'_. He smiles and squeezes Johnny's hand.

"Lead the way then, Prince Charming."

They don’t waste a single second rushing into their shared bedroom. Johnny locks the door behind them and pounces on Taeil, pressing him down into the bed as they dive into another heated kiss as if starved for days. Taeil keeps smiling into the kisses as he faintly registers Doyoung screeching outside ( _"I swear, they could have at least cleaned up the coffee table! Why do I do everything in this household?" "You and Taeyong are our moms-" "Shut the fuck up Yuta could you be a darling and HELP WITH CHORES FOR ONCE?"_ ), but he’s only briefly distracted until Johnny pulls away to yank off his hoodie and tank top. Taeil uses that opportunity to pull off his beanie and glasses, and places them on the nightstand. He turns back to stare unabashedly at his boyfriend’s abs, which two years ago he was too flustered to look at for more than two seconds, back on that fateful day in the rain.

“Like what you see?”

Ah Johnny Suh, still just as cocky as he was in high school. Some things just never change.

And Taeil’s fine with that, he loves Johnny just the way he is.

“Come over here. You’re supposed to celebrate with me.” Taeil extends his arms out to pull his boyfriend back down into a kiss.

Sunlight peeks through the window shade to cast a soft glow upon the two lovers. Their kisses and caresses blend them into one, like paint blending colors into a grey canvas, capturing a fleeting rainbow as forever.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: omg when i made up the look for future taeil with the beanie, it was completely my own imagination. imagine how i felt when he came up in the Love Song track video looking almost EXACTLY like how i pictured him asfkopqehjozoq so if you need help imagining his look then watch Love Song and add glasses.  
> -  
> hi y'all, thank you for making it to the end!!! this was a fic idea that i've hidden in my notes app for years now, ever since i first started panicking about what to do with my life once i graduate college (i'm sure i'm not the only one who's been there). but my biggest problem was that i had no actual characters as inspiration, so i couldn't find a way to finish this fic, so it's just been sitting in my notes... ヽ(；▽；)ノ
> 
> anyways, i became a nctzen recently, and i was so taken by all the boys but especially taeil! he became my muse for this, and as i kept writing this monster, johnny ended up being the perfect other person, so it's johnil now. 
> 
> please comment w/ any suggestions, advice on how to tag this thing, anything really!! if enough people want, i'm considering continuing this au and going more into the other characters too since i only mentioned them here. let me know if you think i should keep writing this! (*´∀`*)


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